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Finance & Stock Groups Forum Index » Stock Investments » Economic Systems
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| Don Tiberone |
 Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:37 pm |
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http://www.howestreet.com/articles_as_pdf/2008Nov281420081128%20Economic%20Systems.pdf
BOB HOYE
PUBLISHED BY INSTITUTIONAL ADVISORS
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2008
ECONOMIC SYSTEMS
After the recent teetering-on-the-edge-of-total-economic-and-financial-
meltdown a couple
weeks ago, it seems economic systems and their workings have pushed
their way into the
need-to-know-category. Well, we can now simplify this all by
explaining 17 economic
models with cows. It is remarkable how much sense it all makes from
this real world
perspective!
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
LIBERALISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN INVESTMENT BANK
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for
five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the
rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty
times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
This is an update of a piece that went around in the late 1970s. Good
to see it going
around again. |
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| Rich Uncle |
| Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:52 pm |
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Guest
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POTUS XXXXIV
You have 2 cows. Their milk and calves makes you a high income
earner.
The taxman demands all the milk from one of the cows and all calves
borne goes to the government to pay for national health, etc.
You say what the hell and shoots one of the cows, store up the beef in
a
freezer to prepare for the collapse of the economy. The local
economy
collapses because everyone else moves away to where there's milk as
only the bull was left alive. You shoot the bull, throws away all the
beef
because you too wants milk and have to leave the place.
Everyone soon ends up in GM and becomes AUW card carriers for life.
Nobody needs cows anyway because now everyone has high pay, more
than enough to pay for cheap milk imported from China. |
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